Quotes Collection

Funny Wise Quotes - WothQuotes

Selected Funny Wise Words to Brighten Your Day.

Funny Wise Quotes

Don't challenge an extremely pissed off woman with broken nails. Tiptoe if you must.
- Unknown 

It's illegal to bore people.
- Mo Siegel

Life is crazy, so are you.
- Unknown 

Do not bite the hand that feeds you; that's nasty! 
- Unknown 

Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, it seems like a minute. That's relativity.
- Albert Einstein 

Some people are like clouds. When they go away, it's a brighter day.
- Anonymous 

"Turn your melodrama into a mellow drama."
- Ram Dass

Don't you know where your kids are in the house? Turn off the internet and they'll show up quickly. 
- Anonymous 

If you can't convince them, confuse them.
- Unknown 

If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in the dark with a mosquito. 
- Betty Reese

Never make eye contact while eating a banana.
- Unknown 

Always remember, you did not hatch from a Kinder Joy.
- Unknown 

"Don't be too humble; you're not that great."
- Golda Meir

When woman says "do whatever you want" do NOT do whatever you want. 
- Unknown 

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
- Unknown 

It's better to have loved and lost than to live with a psycho for the rest of your life. 
- Unknown 

Never trust someone who takes hours to text you back, but when hang out with them they check their phone every minute.
- Unknown 

You gotta stop watering dead plants.
- Unknown 

Do not do unto others as you would have them do unto you. They may have different tastes.
- George Bernard Shaw

Don't give up on your dreams. Keep sleeping. 
- Unknown 

"Never test the depth of the water with both feet."
- Unknown 

Funny Wise Quotes

Be wise and stay calm. Remember, life is not only about you. It's also about the crazy people around you.
- Unknown 

To be old and wise, you must first have to be young and stupid.
- Unknown

The more you love a narcissist, the more they hate you.
- Unknown 

Happy wife happy life.
- Unknown 

Life goes on without peanuts, remember that! 
- Unknown 

You never know what you have until you clean your room.
- Unknown 

Don't try to win over the haters, you are not the jerk whisperer.
- Unknown 

Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused. 
 - Unknown 

If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?
- Unknown

On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.
- Unknown 

If you think there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody. 
- Unknown 

You never truly understand something until you can explain it to your grandmother. 
- Unknown 

Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors.
- Unknown

If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
- Unknown 

A smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks.
- Charles Gordy

You can't buy happiness but you can buy ice cream. And that's kind of the same thing.
- Unknown 

"Try not to be a cunt."

You have the right to believe what you want. I have the right to believe it's ridiculous.
- Ricky Gervais

If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
- Unknown 

Dreams Happiness Life Love Women Wise
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